There are moments I just want to sit and have a good little pity party for myself, crying about about all the things that need to get done and the things I am not doing well…Falling behind is truly an understatement at this point…..
~This house! We are a cluttered, cluttered lot!
~I’m almost officially two months behind on newsletters…probably two of the most exciting months we’ve had here yet and we haven’t shared!
~Budget…smudget…that one keeps piling up which makes it all the less appealing!
~The pile of letters we need to write to the amazing people who support us each month so we can be here
~The 6 years of unsorted, unedited pictures on the computer that are overcrowding my harddrive but I can’t seem to sit and sort them out.
~School planning…four students, four different levels. So many ideas, so little time!
~emails….oh the emails! Such a gift to receive, but writing back seems to get lost in the shuffle!
~the dish pile never seems to let up…what is it with those dishes?
~the LAUNDRY. ’nuff said.
~the dust! I could almost ignore it…but it is a no-no here. Even down to needing to clean the outside stairs when we know someone is coming!
~The writing I so long to do to share our lives here….that I miss doing. Do I even have a blog anymore??
blah blah blah blah blah…..
Yes, sometimes I DO want to have a pity party. One with lots of streamers and noisemakers because I am human, and I don’t like feeling like I am ‘failing’ ‘not performing well’, not ‘doing my job’. Because I don’t like the guilty feelings that come with the idea that ‘everything-should-be-nice-and-neat-and-organized-and-wonderful-and-perfect-even-in-a-house-of-7-imperfect- human-beings’ that society, that facebook, that pinterest and that my own overactive imagination seems to feed on (who’s ridiculous idea is that anyways???). I am pretty sure most of my mama friends in the States and Canada (and all the other countries) are struggling with the same things. There is always more to do than there are hours in a day. We WANT to do so much, it just never seems to happen.
And yet…my pity party wouldn’t take into account the joy of the things that DO happen in a day…
The morning that school gets started late because on the way home from the market, walking by a couple, a man winds up and smacks the woman in the face, hard. Stopping to intervene. Talking with her. Praying with her. Walking with her. So we didn’t get started on time, so what.
The dishes that are still waiting to get done because of potty training…and the special time spent reading stories while waiting….waiting….waiting….It’s a season.
The lunch we finally eat at 3 (and probably just sandwiches that they will probably have to make themselves) because as we were reading together someone had a great question and we got off on a rabbit trail all morning not doing anything on the school list but lots of incredible learning. What’s most important? Joyful interest-led learning or checking off a list?
The mess in the house because I got home late from Bible study…because of the questions…the questions that say “I don’t understand the gospel, but I want to know what this means, and how it can impact my life”. Coming home late to tidy up the junk on the floor doesn’t matter so much those nights.
The day that gets behind or totally unraveled because someone comes to sit and talk and learn and study the Bible. Someone comes and sits in our living room and says “What do I need to do to be saved?”. The newsletter can wait.
The pile of emails that keeps growing but doesn’t get answered because someone sends a message by facebook or whatsapp needing at that moment to be heard, to be loved, to be encouraged. Use me Lord, never let me say I am too busy to serve when you call!
So yes, I am behind. In many many things. And it is frustrating and overwhelming to be sure. I don’t like the feeling of ‘too much to do’. In fact I really really dislike it…But, just like in the homes of my girlfriends who are struggling with getting everything done as well, life is happening here. Little people are being raised here. Memories are being made here. Family is being nurtured here. Relationships are being built here. The Gospel is being shared here. God is working here.
And, there are always choices that have to be made. Some easy, some hard. Some will please many, some will please few. Some will involve doing, some will involve being. The only certainly is everything can’t and won’t get done. And, that has to be OK.
Let me make the most of the days you give me. Let me be burdened by the things that burden you and not the burdens that society tries to place on me. Let the things I do glorify you whether they were on my to-do list or whether they were surprise opportunities to serve. Let me always put your children before the things of this world. Let me rejoice in the joy of the unexpected and hold lightly to my to-do list. And, Lord today give me that burst of whatever its going to take for me to tackle some of these mountains one step at a time!